The Bridezilla Diaries: The hardest thing

Over lunch, a couple of friends were asking me what the hardest part about preparing a wedding is. I hemmed and hawed and was somewhat reluctant to give an answer, mostly because I'm not exactly the typical bride. (Less than four months left and we've barely got anything done. Yeesh.) Plus I've always thought that it's not as hard as people make it seem. But given that I've been stressing over it for the last couple of weeks--more because I am so easily stressed, with matching psychosomatic symptoms to boot--I guess there are some things that could be classified under "the hard parts":

The guest list. This, by far, has caused me the most grief. The venue is supposedly enough for 250 people, but my lovely caterer advised me that 220 was pushing it, especially since I insist on having a dance floor. Two hundred twenty people between me and H--my family alone can fill quite a number of tables! H was nice enough to let me have 120 out of the 220. Now, family + high school friends + bench boys + CADs friends + college friends + my Indian family + former co-workers + current co-workers + teammates + the seats I promised mumsy = still way too many people. I was teary-eyed as I crossed some people off my working list, or relegated them to List B.

The dilemmas: How does one invite one person without having to invite other people connected to him/her? (You know how some people are package deals...) Is it OK to invite a friend, but not his/her spouse (whom you're not even friends with), after they invited you to their wedding? (My answer here is a resounding no. I'm very Emily Post that way.) Do I have to invite people I see regularly, but whom I'm not particularly close to? (I am leaning towards yes. You try not inviting someone you see every week and tell me that it isn't awkward.)

One BFF offered this advice: Be ruthless. Let me tell ya, that is a hell of a lot easier said than done. And I've got 170 names on my edited list to prove it.

The invitation. While I've asked Zsazsa Zaturnnah creator Carlo Vergara to work on the design, working on the content isn't quite as fun. When we started planning this wedding, I figured I had to put in a few "political ninongs" in there--not "political" in the sense that they were senators or whatever, but "political" in the diplomatic sense. Let's just say that there are...family issues that we're trying to put to rest, feuds that we're somehow trying to resolve through this wedding. Sigh.

Letting go of my inner control freak. Seriously, this is not an easy thing to do. Poor H, who once had a very sane girlfriend, now has to contend with an incessant nagger. Let me clarify that I hate hate hate nagging, but I've been hearing myself do it more often because I feel like things aren't getting done. And when things don't get done, I feel actual physical pain. I am not kidding. I actually end up doing Sudoku puzzles just to stop myself from dwelling on things that I've ceded control over to someone else.

And then I realized last night, after throwing another bitch fit, that just because things aren't getting done my way, it doesn't mean they aren't getting done. I just really have to learn to let. Things. Go. And breathe in the process.

So, those are the top three hardest things about preparing a wedding--at least from my POV. All things considered, I suppose I still have it easy. And even if things go terribly wrong (knock on wood!), I'm still lucky enough to be marrying the man of my dreams.