Licensed to wed

Dizizit!

As of Monday, H and I are officially licensed to wed! We still have some church requirements to take care of but, as H said, "Pwede na sa huwes!"

What a long process though. If you're from Quezon City (or you and your fiance are from different cities but are getting married in QC, methinks), you have to go to city hall to file for a marriage license. Note: You might be tempted to do this way ahead of time, but I think it expires after 90 days. So best to do it about two or three months before the big day.

As far as I can remember, the process was:

1. Get my cedula (which was supposedly required...but no one asked to look at it anyway!) since I didn't have one.
2. Line up for and fill out the application form. A personal appearance is required so H and I had to be there. We were lucky enough to have his assistant with us so she was the one who asked around for us. We were totally clueless about where we were supposed to go.
3. Pay for the license, etc. at the cashier, in another building. All in all, P200. (H: "Mura lang pala magpakasal eh!" Me: "This is all we would have paid for if we had eloped!")
   
4. Go back to the building in step 2 and have the forms notarized. Another P50.
5. Go to the health center to sign up for a required family planning seminar. (I think you could skip this if you went on Discovery Weekend or something.)
6. Go back to the building in step 2 to submit everything. They'll give you a copy with your seminar sched. License will be ready in 10 days.

Phew! It would have been way more efficient if all of these places were just in one building, but we kept walking from one building to another, under the scorching sun.

The highlight of the entire process was, funnily enough, the family planning seminar! H and I went, expecting to have a boring few hours ahead of us. But the minute the woman conducting the seminar (or "briefing" as she called it) said the word "t*t*," we knew we weren't in for a snooze-worthy biology lecture! I never thought I would hear that word said so many times in a seminar. I couldn't even bring myself to type it here. Haha.

The woman who conducted it was probably in her 40s, and she was so deadpan that it made what she was saying even more comical. Some gems:

Woman: Ang IUD po ay nilalagay sa matres ng babae. Ayaw po ito gamitin ng karamihan ng lalake kasi 'yung iba, natatakot daw na matusok ang t*t* nila. Sir, kita niyo naman kung nasaan ang IUD. Sa tingin niyo ba matutusok kayo diyan? Kung matusok pa kayo, matakot na kayo, hindi na kayo tao.

~*~*~*~

Woman: Nakikita niyo naman ang cervical canal. Ang t*t* umaabot lang hanggang sa pang-apat na level. Pero Sir, kung hanggang sa pangatlo lang kayo, OK lang 'yan. Nasa performance naman 'yan.

~*~*~*~

Woman: Meron tayong limang flavor ng condom. Ano-ano iyon? Banana, mint, chocolate...ano pa?
Guy 1: Black forest!
Guy 2: Four seasons!

~*~*~*~

Woman: Paano ba magsuot ng condom? (Holding up a photo of a penis) Nakita niyo naman ang t*t*, galit na galit! Pag sinuot po ang condom at medyo malago ang bulbol ni Sir, hawiin lang natin ang buhok para tuck out. Alalahanin natin: Tuck out po lamang at hindi tuck in. At hindi po kasama ang itlog.

~*~*~*~

Hilarious! We've got another three-hour family planning seminar on Saturday, this time at the church. Somehow I get the feeling that it isn't going to be quite this entertaining.