Legs, legs, legs

Yesterday I found a book on my dresser with a note from my mom, saying I might want to read it. It was something like How to Have Great Legs at Any Age. She just found it in her pile of books somewhere. My mom (whom I love to pieces) is perpetually worried about my legs and my feet (vein-y at such a young age. Tsk tsk), but I'm actually pretty happy with 'em. I used to have chicken legs, but all the running and dancing have made them quite muscular. Which, to me, is a good thing. I feel like I earned them.

I do understand her concern. Varicose veins and all. It just made me think back to the times when I felt, um, certain people were critical of my appearance. I'd be told when I was gaining weight (something I never ever tell other people because no good ever comes out of it! Really, what do people hope to accomplish when they say, "Ay, tumaba ka!"?), when my hair was thinning, when my boobs were too small, when my butt was non-existent. Come high school, I was so conscious that a chubby comment was enough to make me cry (or go on the warpath). I resorted to some unhealthy habits that, well, high school girls often fall victim to. I was always worrying about my appearance. I thought I was fat and never believed people who told me otherwise.

A few weeks ago, I saw some pics of me in high school, and they made me say, "Hey! I wasn't fat!" and my friend, who was nearby, said, "You never were!" It dawned on me how stupid it was for me to have fretted over bulges that weren't there. I realized how much of a waste of time it was, and just how negative I was. At that point, I made a vow that if I ever I was given a daughter, I would teach her to appreciate herself. Varicose veins and all. Don't get me wrong--I don't blame other people for turning me into what I was. I'm old enough to know that it was my own choice to be affected. But I'm adamant about getting my daughter to embrace her body, her whole self. It took me a while, and there are days when I still frown on a bit of flab, but I'm not wasting any more time. It's time I showed myself some love.