Are we there yet?

Earlier, a friend and I were talking about how bad we both were at geography. It all started with me trying to explain how to get to the Marikina Sports Complex, and mistaking Marcos Highway for Bonifacio Avenue (oopsie). This friend (itago na lang natin sa pangalang Miguel. Haha) said that, up until recently, he thought that Quiapo and Binondo were the same thing. (Miguel, don't worry--I'm the girl who thought Brunei was in the Middle East, remember? Magka-bukuhan na.)

On more than one occasion, I've literally found myself in unfamiliar territory, the type that would make me remark, "Kung iwan niyo ako dito, hindi talaga ako makakauwi." There's that fear of the unknown, especially if it isn't exactly the safest neighborhood, but there's also that element of excitement--of being somewhere new, and the possibility of gaining the littlest bit of independence by getting lost and being forced to find my way around. I think I've only really gotten majorly lost once or twice. The most vivid memory was of me in a car, wandering around Manila with some equally clueless blockmates for four bloody hours, trying to figure out how to get back to QC from Divi.

Lately, I've kind of been feeling that my life is a lot like that endless car ride from Divi to QC. There's this sense of restlessness and frustration hanging over me. Today, especially, I just feel exhausted, and am just crawling towards that glorious three-day weekend.

Maybe one reason is because I keep thinking about the things that I want, and the reasons I can't have them. The past couple of weeks, for one, I've been thinking a lot about traveling, and missing out on traveling, and the sorry state of my finances (at least to fund all the traveling that I want to do). I have no idea how I'm going to get myself to Boston for my bro's grad, go abroad with H, as well as pay for a pastry arts course, buy a camera, save enough for the future (whatever "enough" means), and still have enough left over to...well, survive (you know, food and stuff).

Recently--thanks to one of my rackets--I read about the Fish Tank Theory. Something like tropical fish can only grow as big as their tanks. So if you put them in a bigger tank, they will grow to accommodate the tank. The author explains, "Designing a tank means creating a picture for your business or life that you can grow into," but cautions that there is a difference between thinking big and acting foolishly. It's a calculated risk. Come up with an outrageously huge tank and you might just end up drowning.

So yeah, I'm convincing myself that it might just be possible to get everything I want next year. I'd like to believe that I'm just thinking big. The thing is, I know I'm capable of thinking so much bigger.