Busy busy week

It's been a crazy week! Highlights:

1. Monday was free so spent it with H (always fun, even if we're just sitting around doing nothing).
2. Found out about the 5 Takes thing.
3. Met with Addie for squiggly at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Always nice spending time with her. One of the few people I feel totally comfortable spending one-on-one time with.
4. Got my itinerary for my Singapore trip. It includes "media interviews and photo ops." Yikes.
5. Met with my former co-workers at (of all places) Conways in Shang! Old bosses had some planning thing there, so there was food left over, so my friends decided to meet up there. (Free food is always good for us PGs, i.e., patay gutoms! Haha.) Afterwards, we headed to Saguijo where we were Narda groupies for a night--Camyl's boy Ryan was playing.
6. Had dance practice. Learned the landi all-girls street dance. Attempted to learn the jazz dance (to a mix of two of Esthero's songs. I'm really liking her music). My body's feeling it today! And it was an overload of new steps. My pickup isn't as quick as it used to be. Tsk tsk.
7. Where was I last night? ...oh yeah! Tagaytay! We had a surprise party for Macho, planned by his blushing bride Sheryl (yeeha!). She rented a house there, so H's barkada and the girlfriends/wives (and a couple of kids) went. We also threw a bridal shower for Sheryl (where I won a contest...um, no details. Haha).
8. H and I got up early this morning and had breakfast at Breakfast at Antonio's (entry to follow in my food blog). We had a breakfast date at Mandarin before and it was really fun, so I thought of doing it again. I think breakfast dates are great coz they're casual and laidback--so me. Hehe.
9. Had lunch with H's family. His nephews and nieces are adorable!
10. Didn't get enough sleep the past few nights, so took a luxurious nap before watching UST end Ateneo's winning streak (damnit).
11. Went to mass before heading to Mads's to say bye-bye to Priti, who's going back to London.

And here I am now! Phew. Of course there was work and boxing and workouts squeezed in there somewhere. Haha. I have a packed day tomorrow and I'm leaving for Singapore Tuesday morning, so won't be able to blog for a few days. Will post pics when I get back!

I made it after all!

Surprise, surprise...

~*~*~*~

Dear Tisha

Congratulations! We've seen your vlog and you've made in through to the semi-finals! Now we want to fly you down and see you in person at the closed door audition in Singapore on the 30th of August 2006. We'll be calling you soon with more details but in the meantime, save the date and be prepared to be in Singapore from the 29th till the 31th of August 2006. Please note that this date is fixed.

From the Discovery Travel & Living Team

~*~*~*~

All expenses paid! Yay!:)

Bon voyage, Carlos!

My brother is leaving today to study in the US, but he'll most likely be staying there for good. It hasn't quite sunk in yet, but last night I thought about some of the stuff we went through over the years, and it started to hit me that the house is going to seem emptier without him. Sure, he moved out a couple of years ago, but he always made it a point to be there on Sundays. (Whether it was to see us or get his laundry done, I'll never know.)

It's rare that I reflect on my relationship with him because it's been pretty steady all these years. Like all siblings, we've had our our fights, but last night I realized that he's one person who has always been on my side. Back when we were kids and I was way more annoying than I am now (a matter of opinion, of course), he would let me hang out with him and his friends. He tried to protect me, but not in an overt kuya way (when we watched the Bon Jovi concert--you're free to laugh--there was a huge, rowdy crowd, and Carlos tried to carry me over a fence on the field so we could make a quick exit). He's been one of my supporters, watching my dance concerts and competitions with his friends (and trying to convince me to hook him up with my dancer friends). These are the weird things that have stayed with me, and things he'll probably never admit.

He's one of the smartest people I know, and when we were kids, it frustrated me no end that he could do everything better than I could--he had more medals, drew better pictures, wrote better stuff. But under all the mock resentment, I've always been proud of him. And I've always tried to be on his side. (Probably something I'll never admit either.)

I said a hurried goodbye to him this morning before heading out, one of the rare times we actually beso'd. I deliberately made it short and sweet because I didn't wanna be an effin' drama queen about it. But I couldn't help crying in the car.

Photos: (top) This used to be one of my favorite photos. I actually had it in my wallet. Taken years ago, somewhere in Rome. (Above left) With my sis-in-law Rita and my two bros. I love this picture. It's gonna be a while 'til we can take another one like it. (Above right) At the despedida, with Marciana (one of my yayas when I was younger, and now my nephew Diego's yaya), H, Mumsy, Kuya Dave (who can drink a bottle of beer in six seconds), Tita Au, and Ate Paz.

One year without the Star

Rosby's leaving for Japan, and even though there are times when we don't see each other for months on end, it'll be really weird knowing he's not just working late (a.k.a. nagpapaka-loser) yet again in Eastwood. Some snapshots from his intimate despedida.

With BFF Mads and Ros.

The boys strike a pose.

Gallery of Stars at the mini-park near CBTL (pasimuno ng lasing...).

Ros with Bachelorettes 1 (Jemily), 2 (me), and 3 (Karem). Haha.
Don't Ros and Jem make such a cute couple? Pwede...

Now it can be told

One month ago...

You've seen Josh bungy jump, Renee perform Chinese opera, and Gabe eat fried scorpions. Are you up for a similar challenge? Here's your chance to do all that and more as a Travel Journalist in the new season of 5 Takes! If you have a passion for travel and making friends and telling the world about your adventures, we want to hear from you. Join 5 Takes now!

It was a casting call for a travel show on Discovery Travel and Living. I submitted my application and just completely forgot about it. I figured they were casting all over Asia and Australia, so what were the odds? When I checked my mail after getting back from Bohol, I had a surprise message waiting in my inbox. The gist:

Subject: We want to see more of you!

Dear 5 Takes TJ hopeful, Congratulations! You've made it through the first round and are just two steps away to becoming a TJ on the new season of Discovery Travel & Living's 5 Takes!

From the Discovery Travel & Living Team

The e-mail went on to state the requirements. I was thrilled! I didn't think I would make it that far, and I was just so happy and thankful that I did. I figured my chances of making it through the next round were pretty slim, but hey, it was worth a shot. I was totally OK with not making it through to the next round. I was that happy. I read the forum, and some people were just devastated because they didn't make it, so I considered myself lucky.

I enlisted Rene to help me with the video requirements. H helped me shoot some additional footage (and, man, was he tough to please. Rene was basically a tripod. Haha. A very good-natured tripod whom I dragged around Ateneo. Haha. H, on the other hand, would critique me all throughout! Perfectionist!). I have to admit, while I was ecstatic that I made it through the first round, I couldn't help but begin to really want to make it through the next. The deeper I got into it, the more I wanted it. And it was an uncomfortable feeling--the greater the desire, the greater the chance of disappointment. Which was why I was trying to convince myself that I didn't really want it. (Yeah, right.)

And so I turned in all my requirements on the last day of submission. And for days, I couldn't get it out of my head. It was hard not to think about where I could possibly get sent, what adventures I would have. I just wanted to forget about it, but the more I tried to, the more I thought about it--forgetting (or at least trying to) is funny that way.

When I found out I didn't make it, I was just so disappointed. I watched the entries of those who did make it, and I was like, "I could so speak better than she does!" And then it hit me, "She made it, and you didn't, so just shut up." Haha. I kept thinking about what I could have done differently. There were areas for improvement, and it kills me that there's nothing I could do about it now. The chance to travel for 12 weeks--and get paid for it!--was gone.

After a bit of reflection, I did realize some things. Maybe this experience wasn't about me getting to travel--maybe it was meant to show me that I've got some really awesome people in my life. I had a couple of friends who were ready and willing to help. But H and Rene were just so incredibly supportive--it wasn't because they were obligated to be there. I could sense that they really wanted this for me. And it touches me no end to know that I've got such a solid support system.

Maybe next year.

Favorite dance

Thanks to youtube, I was able to get a video of the Kukurooku Crew's winning Dance Idol entry, something I wrote about months ago. Sigh. I love this dance.

Creating a new reality

Was editing a theological article a while ago (I started doing this even before I went into interiors). Normally, I don't reflect on the stuff I read, just intent on meeting a deadline. But a paragraph struck me:

"Vision is a way of peceiving reality. Without being exclusively so, a vision is more about what reality ought to be than how it presently is. It is an ideal derived from experience rather than just a contrived thought. A vision, in general, is important because it stirs the imagination and provides both inspiration and direction. It encourages exploration to realize what is imagined to be possible. It has been pointed out that 'every social movement or political experiment begins with a vision which animates it and draws it forward. It is a vision which compels the response of those who share it. A common social vision is something which people aspire to, are exhilirated by, and are willing to make sacrifices for. It transforms present action and interprets it in terms of future possibilities.'" (From Jose M. De Mesa's "The Mysterion which Is Marriage: A Vision for the Marital Life," from the publication I'm editing; quote by John Fuellenbach in Church: Community for the Kingdom)

Months and months ago, I was struggling to find direction. I realized that this stemmed from a lack of vision--I had no clear picture in my head of what I wanted to do. There were so many paths to take, and with each one loomed the potential of regret, of looking back and seeing I was too far along to retrace my steps and start all over.

Over the last few months, I realized a few things: direction isn't something I can force myself into finding. I kept pressuring myself to figure it out, but somehow I just...discovered it. Or perhaps re-discovered is more appropriate. Maybe I'm lucky that way.

I think quite a few people pick a path simply because they feel like it's time to do so. (Ahh, the infamous quarter-life crisis.) It's the idea that we're too old to be indecisive. But I think this may doom one to a life of unhappiness, full of stability but bereft of meaning and of passion.

I don't know what my point is. It's one of my feeling-profound moments. Haha. Of course, I'm not one to advocate a life of fleeting passions. But I do sincerely hope that all the people I love will find their vision--one that has the power to illuminate their every-days; one that allows them to overcome their fears; one that makes them think that, somehow, life makes sense.

Memory box

Was cleaning up my dresser and decided to sort through the stuff in one of my jewelry boxes. I have a cluster of them on the dresser (although technically a couple are just plastic containers), but there's one that's separated from the rest, a small, heavy, silver one with no compartments, no locks or anything. I guess it's been years since I last went through it, so I was a little surprised at some of the things I found. I think I consciously separated this box from the others because I didn't just put jewelry in it, but some things that I thought were valuable (in the most subjective sense of the word) or just worth keeping.

A bunch of Neoprints. Some with my barkada, looking all young and carefree. One with some members of Sanggu (the Ateneo student council) 2000. I think we had it taken one day when we went to Sta. Lucia. Haven't been there in so long. It used to be one of the go-to places in between (or during) classes.

Envelopes. Some empty, some with cards from my parents, and one with P500! Woohoo! That was a nice surprise.

Jewelry, of course. Broken pieces, earrings with missing locks, locks with missing earrings. A few silver bracelets. A tiny tangled-up gold bracelet. The pearl earrings I thought I lost years ago. A gold ring with a green stone, given to me by one of the kids we used to teach at church. Pink earrings I got from somewhere in Europe, probably from Italy--I remember Tanya and I got the exact same pair. (We also got identical pairs of shoes.) A bracelet with colorful plastic roses that H gave, back in college--the band has long since lost its elasticity.

Photographs. There's one of H in Galera on a lovely summer day, sitting in a chair, wearing his Dockers hat (it was actually mine, but it fit him perfectly), and with a nice cold drink in his hand--he has a picture of me in the exact same pose (also wearing the hat and with a drink in hand). My college grad pic proofs, and the last couple of grad pics. A friend's grad pic proof (I think she either ran out of or lost her pics). A pic of my mom with a wax figure of Pope John Paul II at Madame Tussaud's--I think I unearthed it when the pope died and ended up putting it in the box. A pic of Kuya Ramon, one of my cousins who passed away. He must've given that about 20 years ago. There's a message at the back which says, "Here is a picture of me so you won't ever forget me." How can I? He saved my life. And when he was in the hospital, I prayed that God would save his. But I guess He had other plans. There's also a pic from Jonathan, another cousin who passed away. He, Tanya, and I were the only ones in the family who were about the same age. Part of his message goes, "Don't show all your friends. They might fall in love." Classic Jon. They lived in the US so we didn't have a lot of chances to bond, but we would write to each other. I miss them. I actually dreamt about my other relatives in New York last night--Jon's brother Kuya Ed, Kuya Ramon's parents. Strange. I've really gotta save up and get my butt over there next year to visit them.

Sigh. Back to cleaning.